In case you haven’t heard, a fringe Christian sect has predicted that the rapture is happening tomorrow. And sure, they made the same prediction in 1994 and they were wrong, but this time they say they’re serious.
Obviously, after the sin-free life you’ve led, you and your family are going to get the call up to heaven tomorrow. Good news for you guys . . . bad news for your dog. Because he’s going to be left behind.
Fortunately, there’s an answer. A group of atheists run a company called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. And for a price, they’ll take care of your pet once you’re up in heaven hanging out with three of the four “Golden Girls” and Abe Lincoln.
See, they KNOW they’re getting left behind when the apocalypse happens. And they’re willing to make sure your pets find a good home.
Their service costs $135 for the first pet and $20 for every additional pet. Paid in advance, of course. So if you want the service, you’d better sign up today.
The contract you sign with them is good for 10 years, so even if the Rapture somehow DOESN’T happen tomorrow, they’ve got your back if it comes between now and 2021.
Eternal Earth-Bound Pets says that 259 people have already signed up for their service . . . meaning that if everyone had just one pet, they’ve already made a cool $34,965.