Happy 50th Birthday Ken
Barbie’s beloved Ken turns 50 years young today, so in honor of his middle-age milestone, we’ve dreamed up some potential Ken doll ideas inspired by recent headlines … you know, in case Ken undergoes a midlife crisis and wants to change things up a bit.
Jersey Shore Ken
This Ken is always ready for “t-shirt time” with his undershirt, bedazzled going-out-to-the-club shirt and stick-on tattoos you can to his plastic muscles. More tan (orange) than the standard Ken doll, you know this version has his GTL regimen down pat.
Some women can’t resist a man in crisis, hoping that they’ll be able to save him from his downward spiral. With his own Twitter account, catchphrases, crazed hair and media-friendly smile, it’s hard not to be intrigued and feel a little sad for this Ken.
We think that, despite all the honors bestowed on our current president, nothing could be more rewarding than being immortalized as a Ken Doll. (Okay, except maybe the Nobel Prize.) Since our research didn’t turn up any existing president-inspired Kens, it’s safe to say that one modeled off Obama would be the first to sleep in the Barbie Dream House.
This bathrobe-wearing Ken always has a bevy of (very blond) Barbies by his side hoping he’ll ask for their close-ups. Always up for throwing a party in his mansion, Playboy Ken knows how to live life to the fullest, even in the golden years of his life.
Oscar Host Ken
We hate to be cruel, but we think a Ken doll could have made a more interesting MC for the Academy Awards than its most recent male host. The good thing for all of you who enjoyed this year’s telecast is that Oscar Host Ken will be just as good, if not better, than the real thing.
Similar to the Totally Hair Ken we loved as kids, this Ken not only had a style-able coif, but he’s willing to shear his locks for a good cause. His strands may not fetch $40,000 on eBay, but at least his heart’s in the right place.
British Prince Ken
The real Prince William may be spoken for, but with this Ken by your side, you’ll feel like a proper princess. Snap a photo of you and your plastic prince and slap the image on plates, T-shirts, mugs, etc., just like people have done of Will and Kate. (Or, on second thought, maybe don’t. That could be weird.)
Bad-Influence Boyfriend Ken
Inspired by Matthew Rutler, Christina Aguilera’s boyfriend who was recently arrested on the suspicion of driving under the influence, this Ken may strike a chord with our soft spots. After all, most of us know what it’s like to rebound with a bad boy … am I right, ladies?
Just like trainer Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser, this Ken can encourage you to finish that last lap on the treadmill (he’ll fit perfectly in the machine’s water bottle holder), or look at you sternly when you refuse to get your butt off the couch and into the gym.
While this Ken comes very close to the already-existing Great Date Ken and Princess Groom Ken, as we know from watching The Bachelor, this one may not actually be a great date (since he’s always dating at least one other woman) nor is he guaranteed to choose you as the bride to his groom. He will, however, come with roses to hand out and a flute of champagne to calm his nerves.